am fine ... i guess

sometimes we never realize what we are doing

until we get that "smack on the head" 

or 

have someone make us realize 

which is of course better than the first scenario !

it happened to me, some time ago 

i was out and i was going to meet up with some mates to finalize a university project

where coincidently i bumped into another friend 

we exchanged greetings and then one of my team mates for the project 

came and was also a mutual friend and so the three of us had an interesting conversation

where somewhere along the way i said this sentence :

"i am fine i guess" 

not realizing that i said it, one of the friends brought it up in a very humorous way 

saying : every time we ask you how are you you say your fine ... i guess !

at that moment i realized that i said that sentence 

and a rush of thoughts came racing through my brain 

one of the thoughts where " AM I PREDICTABLE ?" 

surely the matter is beyond predictability 

after that incident it actually made me realize a lot

about myself and how i see the world around me

after that, i started trying to change myself or at least 

think of that incident and try to change myself 

and again this has a lot to do with the power of realization

which i talked about in a previous article 

to be able to realize and then to be able to read the signs 

or read the writing on the wall 

then to take actions!

some of us are lucky to get that smack 

or more better have someone makes us think !

Note: this article i would love to dedicate this article

to the person who really made me realize 

and would like to say 

"Thank you Ahmad, it might have been a humorous reply but it made me think" 

social phobia

may sound strange 

but is actually serious and true

surely human beings have phobias and such

which are developed through biological, environmental and cognitive causes

one phobia which grasped my attention 

"which happened because of a situation"

is the social phobia

yes it dose sound funny to be scared of social 

activities or social interactions, but surely that is something real

and probably some of us encountered some sort of situation

within this context

people not being capable of handling a conversation 

fear of approaching people 

even if it was to just ask them a question like 

"what time is it?"

or even feeling awkward seeing an old acquaintance

you had a conversation with before 

in an occasion or even in a public place

and avoiding them or not approaching them to greet them

these situations can be indicators to having something of the problem

but when it reaches to the point of fearing to leave the house

then definitely there is a bigger problem

with the first situation it is normal somehow

but of course not good 

we do tend to feel a bit uneasy among certain people

or through certain events where you meet new people

some of us have the ability to handle such situations

some don't however its not much of a problem

but if it reached to the point of fearing to leave the house

and even fearing to be around people or being around

crowds of people the problem has to be dealt with !

having social skills actually exert and show a more

confident outlay 

and people actually tend to get attracted to confidence 

really ... you broke off because of that ?

relationships are well suppose to imply what they mean

a ship! 

a ship that is strong that can sail in any storm, which is based 

on trust, honesty, and well compatibility

now it happens to be that once in a while, a relationship 

cannot last for what ever legitimate reason 

and well sometimes its just a break meant to try and have a look

at the bigger picture.

but what really makes me wonder sometimes are the reasons them selfs

and i have read a number of reasons in an article which i would love to share with you

A NOTE :

i am using the word "relationship" in its WIDEST meaning

it dose imply to friendship and such.

• big fights : surely fights or ... disagreements happen for a reason which intends to make people come closer and not just closer it is intended to show the reality of the other person within that relationship, It is dumb enough not to know how to handle the situation, yet people just don't know how to handle it
• conflict of interest: i heard once a saying that if you wanted to find people who have the same interest as you you might as well look for people who wear the same underwear you are wearing, IT IS NATURAL to have difference it actually is the reason two people came together, as long as there is interest that binds that relationship all is good, AGAIN people should know how to deal smartly with this
• Caught your partner a number of times checking out some guy or girl right in front of you, well i kinda find this a bit awkward however it never dose mean that that partner is "not faithful" i mean YOU are also a culprit in the crime, you do it as well since we are all human beings we get attracted to captivating looks, it actually should drive us to know how to push the buttons in our partners
• when it is not a real relationship : clearly it was not a real thing to begin with to later on end it up, just like how a friend describes to me how some of her classmates engage in a supposedly "relationship" that only ends up after two weeks from knowing each other, either way it is just foolish to say you had a relationship to later on be broken hearted because of the departure of a partner! 
• other reasons: for now i would say sadness and having a defeated stance on love, or having a negative image or just not giving yourself the chance, most of these obvious reasons

all these mentioned reasons plus more 

" which i cant recall or record at the moment"
are really not much of reasons to break off 
or to end things with a person 

the trick if you read is to "KNOW HOW TO ACT"

or how to smartly react to those situations 

you certainly do not need to end up things 

just for what is considered "stupid" reasons

on the other hand there are more convincing and legitimate reasons

for some people, which made them having to end their relationships

KNOW first of all then ACT SMARTLY !

The secret of life through low expectations

ti once saw a stand up comedy show 

where the comedian said (and it was suppose to be a joke) :

i discovered the secret of life ... lower expectations 

what ever the joke was behind that line actually seemed more logical to me

we somehow learned to lower our expectations

generally in life just to shelter our selfs from being disappointed

we have lower expectations towards :

- our job

- our studies

- our love life

- over all on LIFE !

it can happen for many reasons , but the thing is

we don't need to be like that !

we do not need to lower our expectations just because 

we are afraid of the outcome, its actually  a very "myopic" view 

to just concentrate on the outcomes and forget about the overall process of things 

ok its fine to have low expectations

but its not exactly a healthy way to live life

because its within that disappointment that drives us all to seek 

what ever that will give us the pleasure 

and without it life becomes just meaningless 

and i say lets get disappointed and then lets all seek what will give us the opposite feeling !

wanting what you cannot have

i had a conversation the other day

with a dear friend 

and through the conversation

i asked the question 

"Why do we want what we cannot have?"

of course some of us would know the answer

and for me i will admit i kinda did not have the answer

(for a person who SHOULD know it and read the writing on the wall) 

and my friend replied 

and what really made me think was when she said :

(its natural to want what is not ours but then when we have it in our hands

we just don't want it or say ... WRONG CHOICE)

do we really realize what we want ?

mostly we don't, that is partially why that happens 

and then we discover that we did not want it in the first place !

it dose also happen because we as human beings have that curiosity

of wanting to discover, which is fine also 

however i do believe we should again realize 

what we really want !

Look at the big picture

and think 

this dose also go along with the fact 

that we are counter intuitive beings 

and well that is quite right !

we just need to know that 

and we also need to sometimes 

just look at the big picture !

clingy much ?

as i learned from previous articles about the nature

of human beings, what i have learned which seems to be 

something "natural" and "logically" deduced 

is that human beings are "COUNTER-INTUITIVE" creatures

to simplify this term is we mean that human beings are simply

creatures that work in reverse of what is thought to be the natural or right thing to do

when a parent demands a child to study the child will simply not study

and when that parents warns that child from doing a certain act

of course that child will do it

but what i wanted to talk about in this post 

is about that certain issue that bothers some 

which dose fall under that category of "counter-intuitive" 

some of us sometimes tend to "cling" 

and sometimes it is healthy to "claim to possessions" 

but it is not healthy to become "possessive" 

it is healthy to be "concerned" and to show it

but certainly its unhealthy to show concern in an ugly way

but then again the best thing to do is to "detach" 

sometimes of course and not in all situations

we do not need to be so clingy to certain people in the name of "caring for them"

cause it has that "counter" effect  

rather we sometimes need to "GIVE SPACE" !

hence the concept ... "counter intuitive" 

LYK OMG have some closure

Back again finally to writing on this blog

after a short encounter with final exams

during that time a conversation struck up

with me and a colleague

we were sitting in the library study room with a mutual friend 

and she said :

" I still regret the fact that i took this subject

and i did not take that subject with that doctor

it could have been SO easy"

 then i was like :

"OH MY GOD have some closure"

that is quite natural for most of us

we tend to grab on to bad decisions we made in the "PAST"

and get "miffed" about it time after time

and of course its also natural to 

"express out those bottled up feelings regarding that decision"

it has been once told that a wise man told a joke

to a group of people sitting with him

the first time he said it they all laughed

the second time he said it the laughs subsided 

until no one laughed

at this point he smiled and said to them

since you all know the joke and u laughed a couple of times to it

why do you keep on crying on the same wound 

a thousand time?

sure you can get annoyed and agitated on a bad decision 

you did in the past, but seriously .. have some closure

and continue on living.

you might not know what could have happen 

if you lived that hypothetical situation in the past !