obliterated faith in humanity

As this article may seem a bit dark and sad

yet it shed the light on a thing that seems more and more reoccurring these days

a close friend of mine and i sat together recently

and we both had a nostalgic conversation

bit by bit our conversations came along to bring some serious topics

we talked a lot about people who are around us

and we came to a conclusion 

but before we come to that conclusion lets go along bit by bit and see the stories that have been exchanged

between me and my friend.

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Its fun sometimes when you meet new people, especially how you find someone who you can share things with on an intellectual level, that is how i explained to him my story as i told him how i met this new "friend"

who also shares similar cultural background with me, i explained how we both had quite a fun conversation

at times and serious yet fruitful conversations

the thing that hurts the most is how all that changed all of a sudden, when it seemed as if 

it was a one night thing and then ...

the conversations stopped!

and everything changed, nothing as it used to be before

conversations found a dead end the minute it started

Hi ... hello ... how are you ... good!

and that is how i realized that this friendship ended

it was an awesome relationship where you thought

you found good people in this world

and that i felt maybe this relationship should have been honored rightfully 

by gifting it what it deserves !

only to find that maybe perhaps it was too much some how

such is life ... 

-----------------------------------------

The worst thing you find in life after finding out that you are preferred over someone else

is to discover that you are preferred over someone else in your family 

who actually is a bad person to begin with!

that is how my friend explained to me

how his family has been playing the preferring game

of one family member over him even though that preferred family member isn't a good person at all

and every time a conversation strikes up with this person 

there is the comparison thing going on
and the my friend is put under the spot light
compared to a bad person who is supposedly seen as good!

life really isn't fair ...

-------------------------------------------

Its funny, yet it is extremely "lame"
when you make new acquaintances and they become friends

its only after that nice part where things start to boil up and bring interesting
turn of events to the whole relationship

"Friends with certain interests"

personally speaking i have one in particular
who i have help countless of times
and it was a "GIGANTIC" sort of help

"financial help in times of trouble"

that would accurately describe the sort of help that i offered

but when the roles reversed and it was suppose to be "pay back time"
there was nothing but extreme foolishness
and a lesson which was learnt the hard way

knowing only in the end
that there are people who actually do that
who are only your friend when you are doing good
and only want something from you

and who wont skip a heart beat in leaving
when they feel that they should leave

i admit

i was foolish enough to think maybe they cared .....

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those stories and many more of those
which i am pretty sure you all have face one way or another
were you can relate to them

thus leading us all to ...

lose faith in humanity !

Critique vs. Critique

Intro definition 

Critique is a method of disciplined, systematic analysis of a written or oral discourse. Critique is commonly understood as fault finding and negative judgement, but it can also involve merit recognition, and in the philosophical tradition it also means a methodical practice of doubt.

so as the definition above sets the tone of my blog post/article / entry

thus we start talking about it.

the much hated word or methodology

(to critique something) 

people shy away from this generally because as the definition dictates

it is a method of (fault finding) 

and surely no one likes to be told of their faults plain out in the open 

yes there are people who will welcome such statements with open arms

as they portray the truth and actually has words to amend the person's wrong doings 

but lets differentiate it first

* The first type of critique is the helpful one

the one where the critic actually gives helpful advice in mending negative points

and actually  bring in the good points

we also know that as the (Good critique)

*the second one which we all faced at least once in our life

is the one that plainly points out the negative points with no guide or indication

as to what must be done to rectify such negative points

(a personal story to share) 

recently i have visited a toastmaster club as a part of an "extra activity" to do 

as the meeting commenced a speaker from the club decided to pin point a few things about me

what i recall from the (critique) as he called it that 

"i have a strange voice, which may not suite to be a public speaking voice"

at that point many things came to my mind, but i realized that this was the point

to talk about, so lets take this as an example and break it down to simpler points

1- while the person behind the critic wanted to give out his opinion 

he forgot how to really try and say it properly 

- its normal as we tend to not have that flow of thought between the mind and the mouth and that sometimes what may be said may not be taken seriously as it was not thought about properly!-

2- again the person did not think well into the statement or the critique itself 

as he only voice an opinion and did not give a solution or an amendment to the person

-again its normal for a person who has "lacking issues" or that he feels for some reason that he is threatened to just base his critique on just a issue without the need to amend- 

3- the choice of issue to critique was not thought of properly as one can only think

how can one improve their voice or change it (if that is ever possible)

 should they want to peruse public speaking

now we can see dear readers, this is a typical case of your second type of critique 

the one that just points out the problems and not even propose 

but lets not get to excited and bash that person that we have faced in our lives

they probably have their own (good intention) in its place to try and voice our their own concern 

albeit unhelpful !

it is very easy to take charge of this task of pointing our mistakes

as it is so humanly natural that we seek perfection even if it is on the expense of our fellow human beings

we bash them out openly, point out their flaws, and even discourage them openly for those negative points 

but it takes a lot to improve a person and to have the intention to make them achieve 

and improve !

of course what i all said is something of personal opinion 

but in the end of the day

if a person believes in themselves confidently 

no bad critique will ever shake them 

as much as we love pointing out negative points

lets also help in trying to correct those negative points

never be afraid of facing a critique even if it was wrongful

on your account

Don't tell me how to live my life !

Not so long ago, i had a gathering with old university friends

we chatted about our careers and life

and about how we are doing things in life 

and an "older" member of our group told us 

and i recall specifically 

"Don't follow the system, always be independent"

this was the first bit of what he said

the second bit followed like this

"Open up a business, it dose not matter what, as long as it is an earning business just take the initiative and open up that business, don't even bother if you are losing"

it was good in the first part and then WHAM that came in?

alright lets try to absorb it all in

1- Yes you have to have that fiery spirit and have the initiative to do new things in life

2- No you need to always be more cautious and careful in life

yes in life you should be active in seeking that "higher goal" that you always wanted to achieve in life

and learn independence and eventually achieve what ever goal

lets continue to the second part of this situation 

he then elaborated on how the system is unfair 

and how it really is never suited for anyone 

and of course IMPOSED what he thought was the right way to live life !

Okay now lets stop for one bit 

and let us talk on this point for a bit

and lets get back to our main point

Yes you can go ahead and follow what you want in your life 

However not whatever you may want to go after can have the right circumstances to achieve it

no this is not a statement to discourage anyone not to do what they want to do in life

but to look first before they leap 

and furthermore not everything might work for anyone

"thus you cannot tell anyone in life to do what they did, and you cannot order them how to live their lives!"

what happened for them suited them but may not suite you

and thus again you need to think twice

Don't tell me how to live my life  !!! 

This friendship officially costed me ....

Ever thought a friendship can bear a cost on you?

well ideally no it should not

any sort of relationship be it friendship or even a loving relationship

SHOULD NOT AT ANY WAY COST YOU A THING

but lets hold on to that thought for a second then move on to other points

what do we mean by (Cost) ?

well basically we mean the monetary value of cost

as in money cost

yes sometimes a relationship can have that "Costly" effect to it

what am i specifically talking about?

(Lending money and "I OWE YOU" situations)

that is one point which you should consider as the costs of a relationship

1- Having a relationship that will involve money and will drain you out of it

once it starts having that problem, its time to really reconsider if you want to continue with that relationship!

and a golden advice i got from the internet that clearly said

(If you lend your friend 50 bucks, and they don't give it back 

then it was worth that much of money) 

and lets move on to another point of cost, 

do you feel neglected? un-cared for? feeling like you are totally ignored in the relationship

while on the other hand you are the one that makes the effort in trying to be around?

then we come to the second point of "cost"

2- Having a relationship that drains you emotionally 

and that dose not only involve the intimate relationships

but even friendships 

*some forgets that there are really hard "friendships" 

that just keep effecting you negatively and that it has also a negative vibe 

*you have that one friend who always puts you down

*you have that one friend that always seems to ask more even when you cannot give!

*or that friendship that has no continuous follow up

if only one stops asking about the other communications stop all at once

and the relationship eventually subsides (as if that can actually happen !) 

* or having to endure verbal abuse from someone who claims to be a friend 

(even if it was out of joking only)

so to sum it all up

if any relation of any sort is costing you these two

1- waste in monetary resources

2- waste in emotional resources

consider seriously of having to somehow end that relationship 

and never ever put yourself in a position where it makes you feel awful or bad !

Emotional over boarding

Do you recall what i said about

being in a a hype of emotions

when you face that extreme sense of feeling

and emotions

when you can actually go to be extremely positive

or extremely negative 

it all comes down to that saying

"never do anything when you are mad

never do any promises when you are happy"

and they were true 

the human emotion sometimes can be so powerfully uncontrollable

and it can has its proven toll on the human body 

let me share a couple of examples of how one goes through an

emotional down turn and how they react

Situation 1

a person i know who is so goal oriented and determined 

to lose weight and gain a healthy fit body

he has weighed himself and discovered

that he was a bit behind of his overall goal 

and saw it as a setback thus making him feel sad

and as a result he decided to go take it all out 

on training himself and doing harsh exerciser 

Situation 2 

a friend of mine has gotten into a disagreement 

with his significant other, and somehow gotten into a fight with them

and as a result he felt agitated and took it all out on the things around him

he started slamming on doors as a way to vent out his anger

it was so intense that he even his nose bled as a result

so you can see by now sometimes 

one can go on an emotional overboard when they feel down

or even when they feel happy 

they can go extremely apparent in showing their happiness 

and as we also saw from those situations 

one can clearly show it as a side effect on their bodies

bottom line

once you know you can go on an emotional overboard

you can actually avoid it

and avoid the long term health implications that follow with that 

stay safe and stay healthy and stay positive too =)  

Discouragements and Discourages

Ever wondered how come it always happens this way?

ever wondered how it came to happen that there are certain people 

who would just like to "rain on your parade" ?

truth of the matter is that there are always people who are of that sort

people who are always out there to just discourage you 

meaning people who will always have a way to just say 

that what ever you will be doing it will never be good enough 

let me show you a couple of examples 

(personal example which by the way all happened to me) 

these examples are reflected on the fact that i joined a new company

and accepted a new work challenge, in turn these example are peoples reflections towards 

me working in this new company 

Example No.1

a social gathering takes place and a "very close relative" explains

to a guest where i am working at 

(Oh Hassan is working now at this "SMALL UNKNOWN" company)

Example No.2

another social gathering takes place at a cafe, old friends from university sit together

and we exchange conversations on where we are at life

then came the question where we are working at the moment

of course i reply back i started working in a company and started in this new field

as soon as i finished my sentence, a get a complete negative feedback of how

my field is completely "YUCKY" field and that it is completely useless so to speak  

nonetheless he kept on going with completely negative comments

not even a simple good luck that would have sufficed and made the conversation better

Of course after reflecting more into these situations

i thought more about this situation and about this matter 

of course one conclusion on this matter is that 

there will always be discouragements in life

and people who have it a habit in them to discourage others

another thing i have concluded from the matter is that

there are people who never achieved in their lives 

something substantial to be worth mentioning 

once others have reach a place

they discourage them 

BECAUSE

they never saw it in them to achieve

and be successful as you may be

of course other attributing factors to the previous point

is having envious jealousy as a byproduct of not being successful 

and not scoring an achievement

more accurately a "sore looser"

"a  sour grape" and the list goes on

but lets not shed the light on them negatively 

it is hard work and motivation that drives a person to be successful 

so for all those "people who discourage" i would like to just say

have you tried what you are discouraging of?

if not how are you basing your judgement?

moreover i would like to say maybe you are not trying hard enough ;) 

CONCLUSION

lets put it in simpler terms

Haters are always going to hate 

they will discourage you

put you down and tell you 

that what ever you are doing is not good

and that they are the best at what they do

its only there way in saying i am not good enough

and i decided to take it out on you !

Own up to the responsibility

Hello everyone

July came in, the summer got more intense 

and many more opportunities are coming in 

a story i would love to share with you dear readers, its an interesting way 

how the events fell into place

it started a couple of weeks ago, as a friend of mine was calling out

as he wanted me to help him with something 

it was a serious matter 

it was a mistake and as a result help was needed

after sorting things out and after things were sorted out

my friend seemed as if it did not bother him 

next thing was that he done some other mistake 

but it wasn't as serious as the first one

and after the second incident 

there had to be some sort of intervention 

or some way to tell this person (my friend) was that he is going on a roll down 

so recently there was a conversation going on between me and him

Yes i admit it was harsh (because it came out as judgment) 

SIDE LESSON : try to always convey the message more openly as people

may misinterpret it as in my case 

the person thought it was a harsh judgment passed on him 

but if it was not judgment passed by a friend it could be more worse

it would have been a judgment passed by people

and that sort of judgment could have been worse !

to continue along with the story, the main moral of it

was that the owner of the problems

did not seem to have grasped to concept of owning up the problems that he caused

as an attempt from him to try and explain how it is on his side

he tried to do an emotional blackmail 

and tried to play the guilt card 

saying that he already feels guilty enough deep inside him

IMPORTANT NOTE

of course you will feel guilty, because that is your conscious speaking 

it is the moving motive in what will make you grasp the fact

that you made a mistake 

and it will only go once you start making things right 

so that blame feeling is nothing but a way your mind

and heart speaking to you to make the right thing !

The lessons from our story

 (for those who would like to just skip to this part)

you make a mistake 

you feel the blame 

you own up to your mistake and take responsibility to it

yes your friend will judge you 

but would you rather listen to your friends judge you

or listen to a complete stranger slandering you?