Why can't i get over it

So you have been in a certain situation in your life

it effected you in either a good way or a bad way

and then it came up to some sort of an unwanted ending

so we can talk about break ups form relationships 

since it is relate-able

but there are also other life situation where it ended in an undesired way

 - The loss of a loved one (a thing that is quite drastic)

- Reaching the end of a job 

- Having to go through new changes in your personal life

- Having to get accommodated to uneasy changes 

All those are examples, of how can one go through an agonizing experience

of having a void left in their lives and hearts 

to have to recuperate and to have to (Get over it) and continue with life

there has been a lot of topics and articles that i have personally wrote and talked about

i would recall a few but then there comes an annoying bit in this issue ...

WHY CAN'T I GET OVER IT?

That is the main issue that is bothering all who are trying to move on

but cannot move on.

That is Normal of course, its totally acceptable to have this happening 

to move on from a painful experience needs time 

It needs devotion and attention, and to achieve it you need to really devote yourself 

and give time mainly! 

It will be a painstaking process 

one only dreams of the end result

but keeps his head on the ground 

so don't worry if you don't get over it !

No one can tell for sure when they are really over it

However it takes time to get there

 and there is no clear pathway or a magic potion that will ease it all up

so take time and give yourself some time to be able to go through it.

Good luck everyone =) 

Lies or disappointments?

Now this came across my mind the other day

as i thought thoroughly about this subject 

lets ask you all this question 

Would you like to be lied to ?

Or would you .... 

Prefer to face disappointments 

quite tough? No? Perhaps?

Might be challenging to ask, however some might also have a clear answer

some would prefer living a lie than to face a disappointment

some may have it the other way around, they prefer to face the disappointments

rather than face lies.

Lets do some definitions 

Disappointments 

The feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by fulfillment of expectations

Lies

Intentionally providing false statements

let put these terms both in a story 

a Superior gave his two subordinates a task to finish upon an agreed time

Subordinate (A) the lair

Subordinate (B) the disappointment

through out the process of delivering the task 

these two common replies whenever the boss asks them

Subordinate (A) -  "Yes all is well and i am in the right track"

 Subordinate (B) - "Well ... there are a few things missing that i must do"

and as this continued until the due date

when this happened

Subordinate (A) - "The objectives haven't been met yet the task has been accomplished"

Subordinate (B) - "The project is almost complete however some time is needed to really finish it up"

i guess you can clearly see what i am talking about

and no it is not a management lesson

the liar will find a way to always give an excuse 

and the disappointment will tell the truth (maybe not all the time- but that is another point)

Yes they both may have not done the task given to them

within the allotted time 

but each had their reply towards the task 

whether it was a lie or a truth 

so we still ask the question

Would you prefer to have a lie 

or a disappointment ?

If the disappointment (was the truth)

and was the one that came in first

i can safely say (according to what i think) 

is better 

than to live in that "Lie" 

 where i would have gone through a certain expectation that 

i would be believing that lie that it will happen

then the disappointment was to hit at a later stage

and it will hit even harder as a result 

(but what if the disappointment was a lie?)

that is another story to consider 

which is double the amount of it all 

best solution "never expect anything from anyone" 

or that is not always the best solution is it?

MORAL 

- sometimes its best to be disappointed rather to be lead on and lied to 

- sometimes its not always the better alternative to have when someone disappoints you

and lies in the same time !

at least that is what i think

But what do you all think?

Do share your thoughts 

obliterated faith in humanity

As this article may seem a bit dark and sad

yet it shed the light on a thing that seems more and more reoccurring these days

a close friend of mine and i sat together recently

and we both had a nostalgic conversation

bit by bit our conversations came along to bring some serious topics

we talked a lot about people who are around us

and we came to a conclusion 

but before we come to that conclusion lets go along bit by bit and see the stories that have been exchanged

between me and my friend.

---------------------

Its fun sometimes when you meet new people, especially how you find someone who you can share things with on an intellectual level, that is how i explained to him my story as i told him how i met this new "friend"

who also shares similar cultural background with me, i explained how we both had quite a fun conversation

at times and serious yet fruitful conversations

the thing that hurts the most is how all that changed all of a sudden, when it seemed as if 

it was a one night thing and then ...

the conversations stopped!

and everything changed, nothing as it used to be before

conversations found a dead end the minute it started

Hi ... hello ... how are you ... good!

and that is how i realized that this friendship ended

it was an awesome relationship where you thought

you found good people in this world

and that i felt maybe this relationship should have been honored rightfully 

by gifting it what it deserves !

only to find that maybe perhaps it was too much some how

such is life ... 

-----------------------------------------

The worst thing you find in life after finding out that you are preferred over someone else

is to discover that you are preferred over someone else in your family 

who actually is a bad person to begin with!

that is how my friend explained to me

how his family has been playing the preferring game

of one family member over him even though that preferred family member isn't a good person at all

and every time a conversation strikes up with this person 

there is the comparison thing going on
and the my friend is put under the spot light
compared to a bad person who is supposedly seen as good!

life really isn't fair ...

-------------------------------------------

Its funny, yet it is extremely "lame"
when you make new acquaintances and they become friends

its only after that nice part where things start to boil up and bring interesting
turn of events to the whole relationship

"Friends with certain interests"

personally speaking i have one in particular
who i have help countless of times
and it was a "GIGANTIC" sort of help

"financial help in times of trouble"

that would accurately describe the sort of help that i offered

but when the roles reversed and it was suppose to be "pay back time"
there was nothing but extreme foolishness
and a lesson which was learnt the hard way

knowing only in the end
that there are people who actually do that
who are only your friend when you are doing good
and only want something from you

and who wont skip a heart beat in leaving
when they feel that they should leave

i admit

i was foolish enough to think maybe they cared .....

------------------------

those stories and many more of those
which i am pretty sure you all have face one way or another
were you can relate to them

thus leading us all to ...

lose faith in humanity !

Critique vs. Critique

Intro definition 

Critique is a method of disciplined, systematic analysis of a written or oral discourse. Critique is commonly understood as fault finding and negative judgement, but it can also involve merit recognition, and in the philosophical tradition it also means a methodical practice of doubt.

so as the definition above sets the tone of my blog post/article / entry

thus we start talking about it.

the much hated word or methodology

(to critique something) 

people shy away from this generally because as the definition dictates

it is a method of (fault finding) 

and surely no one likes to be told of their faults plain out in the open 

yes there are people who will welcome such statements with open arms

as they portray the truth and actually has words to amend the person's wrong doings 

but lets differentiate it first

* The first type of critique is the helpful one

the one where the critic actually gives helpful advice in mending negative points

and actually  bring in the good points

we also know that as the (Good critique)

*the second one which we all faced at least once in our life

is the one that plainly points out the negative points with no guide or indication

as to what must be done to rectify such negative points

(a personal story to share) 

recently i have visited a toastmaster club as a part of an "extra activity" to do 

as the meeting commenced a speaker from the club decided to pin point a few things about me

what i recall from the (critique) as he called it that 

"i have a strange voice, which may not suite to be a public speaking voice"

at that point many things came to my mind, but i realized that this was the point

to talk about, so lets take this as an example and break it down to simpler points

1- while the person behind the critic wanted to give out his opinion 

he forgot how to really try and say it properly 

- its normal as we tend to not have that flow of thought between the mind and the mouth and that sometimes what may be said may not be taken seriously as it was not thought about properly!-

2- again the person did not think well into the statement or the critique itself 

as he only voice an opinion and did not give a solution or an amendment to the person

-again its normal for a person who has "lacking issues" or that he feels for some reason that he is threatened to just base his critique on just a issue without the need to amend- 

3- the choice of issue to critique was not thought of properly as one can only think

how can one improve their voice or change it (if that is ever possible)

 should they want to peruse public speaking

now we can see dear readers, this is a typical case of your second type of critique 

the one that just points out the problems and not even propose 

but lets not get to excited and bash that person that we have faced in our lives

they probably have their own (good intention) in its place to try and voice our their own concern 

albeit unhelpful !

it is very easy to take charge of this task of pointing our mistakes

as it is so humanly natural that we seek perfection even if it is on the expense of our fellow human beings

we bash them out openly, point out their flaws, and even discourage them openly for those negative points 

but it takes a lot to improve a person and to have the intention to make them achieve 

and improve !

of course what i all said is something of personal opinion 

but in the end of the day

if a person believes in themselves confidently 

no bad critique will ever shake them 

as much as we love pointing out negative points

lets also help in trying to correct those negative points

never be afraid of facing a critique even if it was wrongful

on your account

Don't tell me how to live my life !

Not so long ago, i had a gathering with old university friends

we chatted about our careers and life

and about how we are doing things in life 

and an "older" member of our group told us 

and i recall specifically 

"Don't follow the system, always be independent"

this was the first bit of what he said

the second bit followed like this

"Open up a business, it dose not matter what, as long as it is an earning business just take the initiative and open up that business, don't even bother if you are losing"

it was good in the first part and then WHAM that came in?

alright lets try to absorb it all in

1- Yes you have to have that fiery spirit and have the initiative to do new things in life

2- No you need to always be more cautious and careful in life

yes in life you should be active in seeking that "higher goal" that you always wanted to achieve in life

and learn independence and eventually achieve what ever goal

lets continue to the second part of this situation 

he then elaborated on how the system is unfair 

and how it really is never suited for anyone 

and of course IMPOSED what he thought was the right way to live life !

Okay now lets stop for one bit 

and let us talk on this point for a bit

and lets get back to our main point

Yes you can go ahead and follow what you want in your life 

However not whatever you may want to go after can have the right circumstances to achieve it

no this is not a statement to discourage anyone not to do what they want to do in life

but to look first before they leap 

and furthermore not everything might work for anyone

"thus you cannot tell anyone in life to do what they did, and you cannot order them how to live their lives!"

what happened for them suited them but may not suite you

and thus again you need to think twice

Don't tell me how to live my life  !!! 

This friendship officially costed me ....

Ever thought a friendship can bear a cost on you?

well ideally no it should not

any sort of relationship be it friendship or even a loving relationship

SHOULD NOT AT ANY WAY COST YOU A THING

but lets hold on to that thought for a second then move on to other points

what do we mean by (Cost) ?

well basically we mean the monetary value of cost

as in money cost

yes sometimes a relationship can have that "Costly" effect to it

what am i specifically talking about?

(Lending money and "I OWE YOU" situations)

that is one point which you should consider as the costs of a relationship

1- Having a relationship that will involve money and will drain you out of it

once it starts having that problem, its time to really reconsider if you want to continue with that relationship!

and a golden advice i got from the internet that clearly said

(If you lend your friend 50 bucks, and they don't give it back 

then it was worth that much of money) 

and lets move on to another point of cost, 

do you feel neglected? un-cared for? feeling like you are totally ignored in the relationship

while on the other hand you are the one that makes the effort in trying to be around?

then we come to the second point of "cost"

2- Having a relationship that drains you emotionally 

and that dose not only involve the intimate relationships

but even friendships 

*some forgets that there are really hard "friendships" 

that just keep effecting you negatively and that it has also a negative vibe 

*you have that one friend who always puts you down

*you have that one friend that always seems to ask more even when you cannot give!

*or that friendship that has no continuous follow up

if only one stops asking about the other communications stop all at once

and the relationship eventually subsides (as if that can actually happen !) 

* or having to endure verbal abuse from someone who claims to be a friend 

(even if it was out of joking only)

so to sum it all up

if any relation of any sort is costing you these two

1- waste in monetary resources

2- waste in emotional resources

consider seriously of having to somehow end that relationship 

and never ever put yourself in a position where it makes you feel awful or bad !

Emotional over boarding

Do you recall what i said about

being in a a hype of emotions

when you face that extreme sense of feeling

and emotions

when you can actually go to be extremely positive

or extremely negative 

it all comes down to that saying

"never do anything when you are mad

never do any promises when you are happy"

and they were true 

the human emotion sometimes can be so powerfully uncontrollable

and it can has its proven toll on the human body 

let me share a couple of examples of how one goes through an

emotional down turn and how they react

Situation 1

a person i know who is so goal oriented and determined 

to lose weight and gain a healthy fit body

he has weighed himself and discovered

that he was a bit behind of his overall goal 

and saw it as a setback thus making him feel sad

and as a result he decided to go take it all out 

on training himself and doing harsh exerciser 

Situation 2 

a friend of mine has gotten into a disagreement 

with his significant other, and somehow gotten into a fight with them

and as a result he felt agitated and took it all out on the things around him

he started slamming on doors as a way to vent out his anger

it was so intense that he even his nose bled as a result

so you can see by now sometimes 

one can go on an emotional overboard when they feel down

or even when they feel happy 

they can go extremely apparent in showing their happiness 

and as we also saw from those situations 

one can clearly show it as a side effect on their bodies

bottom line

once you know you can go on an emotional overboard

you can actually avoid it

and avoid the long term health implications that follow with that 

stay safe and stay healthy and stay positive too =)